


coming out and other extreme interdimensional sports

by thepensword



Series: TAZ Pride Week 2018 [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon LGBTQ Character, Day 7: Coming Out/Pride, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, TAZ Pride Week, TAZ Pride Week 2018, this was so much fun to write oh my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 07:05:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14949899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepensword/pseuds/thepensword
Summary: “Holy shit,” says Lup as she strolls into the mess hall. The others turn to look at her, faces caught in various stages of bemusement. “Guys, I just realized something.”“Mm, gonna fill us in on that one, Lulu?” asks Taako.“Everyone in this fucking crew is gay.”Or: the seven birds come out in different ways and in different places, to themselves and to others.





	coming out and other extreme interdimensional sports

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7: Coming Out/Pride
> 
> i actually started to write this before i heard about taz pride week and it was so perfect i screamed. also, this was hella fun.
> 
> also i'm bi and that means i hc every fucking character i come across as bi and no one can stop me
> 
> EDIT: I've been informed that Barry's section was somewhat problematic so I have rewritten it completely. Thanks for bearing with me and also do not be afraid to call me out if I fuck up anywhere else.

**Lup**

 

She is thirteen years old, barely more than a baby, when she tells him.

“Taako,” she says, and he hurts to see her trembling, when normally she is so unshakeable. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I’m….a girl.”

The words bring terror and relief rushing through her veins all at once but when she looks up it is to see him smiling, and the expression is all soft edges and calmly loyal affection.

“I know,” he says, and she chokes on tears she doesn’t remember shedding. “It’s okay.”

Then he’s wrapping her up in his arms and that is the end of that.

(“What should I call you?” he asks after some time has passed, when she has calmed down enough to speak.

“Lup,” is her reply, and he rewrites her name inside his thoughts.

“Lulu,” he calls her, two weeks later, and she doesn’t cry again but it’s a very close thing.)

 

* * *

**Taako**

 

Taako doesn’t so much come out as just exist as himself and force everyone to deal with it or leave. Taako is who he is, wholly and unabashedly, and anyone who says anything gets punched.

The tavern boy is cute, with deep brown hair and mint green eyes. “Are you sure this is okay?” gasps the tavern boy with pink on his cheeks, and Taako smiles and presses his lips to that very cute blush.

“Of course, darling,” he says, and pulls his shirt off.

And that, of course, is when Lup walks in.

The door swings open with a creak and there she is. The tavern boy gasps and Taako rolls his eyes, because it’s his sister and even if she hadn’t known for sure before this he knows she won’t care.

Lup, who had kissed a girl in the last town and was wondering if it was worth the trouble to come out _again_ , does in fact care, but she cares only because it’s nice to know for sure now that she’s not alone.

“Go away, Lulu,” groans Taako and Lup unfreezes herself from the doorway.

“Uh, have fun,” she says, and closes the door.

(“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asks that night as they lie cuddled up against each other on a pile of hay in someone’s barn.

“I didn’t think I needed to.”

“You didn’t,” says Lup. “But I wish I’d known for sure. Then I’d know it wasn’t just me who was...different.”

“Oh, Lulu,” says Taako, pressing a kiss into her hair. “We’ve always been different, in so many other ways that matter so much more. That’s what makes us special.”)

 

* * *

 

 

**Magnus**

 

Magnus is very much undoubtedly bi and he’s thinking to himself that he should probably tell his wife.

It’s not a huge deal, he knows. It’s not like it’ll change anything. He still loves her, more than anything else, but some rebellious and irrational part of him insists on worrying that the knowledge will frighten her away.

He sits her down by the fire. His hands are shaking.

“Julia,” he says, and she watches him with worried eyes beneath furrowed brows. She’s beautiful in the firelight, beautiful the way she always is, and he almost cannot breathe for how much he loves her.

“Magnus?” she asks, concern written into every line of her features. “What’s wrong, love?”

Magnus sits himself down on the coffee table and forces himself to exhale. “Nothing’s wrong,” he says, logical side trying desperately to wrangle his paranoid side under control. “I just have something to tell you. Something that’s been true for a while that I think you should know.”

“Magn—”

“And I want you to know that it doesn’t change anything,” he rushes on, knowing suddenly that if he stops he won’t have the courage to start again. (How ironic is it that he’d faced down Governor Kalen without a tremble, but telling his wife something that shouldn’t even matter sends anxiety coursing through every inch of his body?) “Because you’re my wife and I love you and I’ve always loved you and I always will but this is something I think you should know. I’m…”

The words get stuck in his throat. She’s so beautiful, and kind, and strong. He hates jeopardizing this, even though he _knows_ he’s not actually jeopardizing anything.

Julia reaches out and takes his hands in hers. “It’s okay, love,” she says, and kisses his knuckles. “You can tell me anything.”

He closes his eyes.

“I’m bisexual.”

There’s a long pause, and then she is hugging him tightly. He doesn’t remember her getting up but that doesn’t really matter because she’s holding him and he’s holding her back and he’s said it and everything’s going to be okay.

“You’re okay with it, then?”

Julia laughs in his ear and pecks him lightly on the nose. “Of course, you big doofus,” she smiles. “It’s like you said. You’ve always loved me and you always will. Whether or not you’ve loved others in the past doesn’t matter, and the gender of the others matter even less. And besides,” she runs a hand through his hair and pulls their faces close, so that their foreheads are touching and he can feel her warm breath against his skin, “I’m bi too.”

Magnus blinks uncomprehendingly for a moment. “Wait, really?”

Julia laughs again and this time she kisses him square on the lips. “Yep.”

And suddenly Magnus is wondering exactly what it was he’d been so worried about.

(He has always loved her and he always will and there’s nothing, _nothing_ , that can change that.

Not even death.)

 

* * *

 

 

**Merle**

 

He’s always known what was true about him and he’s never really cared much, but now he knows it has a name and he _can’t stop fucking laughing_.

They’re on a cycle that’s somewhere around fifty—he stopped bothering to count, though he knows Lucretia has it recorded in her journals—on a planet that is bright and alive and wonderful. There’s a festival going on, a massive celebration that’s filled with rainbows and glitter, and Taako had dragged them all there with a gleeful expression and Lup as his backup. They’re in a tent now, getting their faces painted at Magnus’ excited insistence—he’s got a fucking _butterfly_ over his eye—and the half-elf artist is raising an eyebrow at Merle with a book of designs in one hand and a paintbrush in the other.

“So?” they say. “What’ll it be?”

Merle frowns and rubs at his beard, which is full of glitter that he can’t get out and must be the result of _somebody’s_ (Taako or Lup’s) spell. “I don’t know what they all mean,” he reluctantly admits, and the half-elf smiles at him and explains the identities behind the names and the colors.

“Pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender,” they say, pointing to a vibrant heart design in their book. “Often short-handed as ‘pan’.”

And, well, if the first bit hadn’t resonated with him, the second bit _certainly_ did. He bursts out of the tent fifteen minutes later with stripes of yellow and pink and blue painted across the entirety of his face and runs directly into Taako.

“Whoa, my man, watch where you’re going there—”

“Taako!” shouts Merle, laughing hysterically. “I’m _pan!_ ”

(On another plane of existence an ancient god rubs a calloused hand across his face and sighs loudly. The goddess of fate, resplendent in shimmering fabrics and the very picture of elegance, laughs so hard at his expression that she cries.)

 

* * *

 

 

**Lucretia**

 

There wasn’t a point to drawing it, and no one was supposed to see it. But Lucretia, stupid, stupid Lucretia, had left it open on the table while she’d gone to get some tea and Lup had found it.

At least it’s Lup. At least it’s not...not Merle, or Davenport, or any of the others. Because she loves them all, she really does, but this is private.

“Lucretia,” says Lup, and her voice is softer than usual. Her eyes are fixed on the drawing and her fingers are just barely touching the delicate strokes of ink. “This is beautiful.”

Lucretia looks down and away. She doesn’t say anything.

“Who is it?”

“It’s no one,” says Lucretia, but Lup is watching her now with wide, gentle eyes, and the words come pouring out. “In the last cycle. She was...she was beautiful. She asked me to teach her how to draw, and in return she taught me how to dance.”

There are tears in Lup’s eyes but Lucretia can’t look at her anymore. Can’t look at her, won’t look at her, won’t let that pain uncover the pain of her own.

They’d failed to save the last cycle. They’d never found the light at all, and that reality died.

“She said I was ethereal,” says Lucretia, which doesn’t matter and sounds vain but someone it feels so, so important, and then Lup is wrapping warm arms around her, holding her tight.

“I’m so sorry, Lucretia,” says Lup, who knows love perhaps more than anyone else among them. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was pointless.” There’s a thickness in Lucretia’s throat now that might be tears, but she swallows it back violently because she cannot afford to crumple. “I don’t know why I let her in, even knowing that it would end in a year.”

“We can’t stop living,” murmurs Lup. “And we can’t stop loving. I know it hurts, Lucretia, but you can’t let yourself stop loving.”

And Lucretia nods because she knows Lup is right, but she makes herself a promise regardless not to love in any of the cycles again. She’ll keep living, keep loving, but she’ll love only her crewmates—her friends, her _family_ —and that will have to be enough.

(“So,” says Lup after a good ten minutes of the two of them crying together. She sniffles loudly and rubs at her eyes. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

Lucretia shrugs. It hadn’t been relevant.

“Just know you can talk to me,” says Lup. “Okay? These boys are great and all, but, you know, they’re only boys.”

Lucretia laughs softly and Lup smiles back at her and then they make tea and sit together in silence and for a while everything is alright.)

 

* * *

 

 

**Barry**

 

“Barold,” says Lup. She’s leaning against the back of his chair, over his shoulder, smiling. Her hair is tickling his face.

Barry frowns and moves his calculations out of the shadow she’s casting and back into the light. This is important research; the blending of magic and mathematics is a difficult process but a powerful combination, and Barry is certain he can use it to fight off the Hunger.

Well. Hopefully.

“ _Babe_ ,” whines Lup, and pokes at his cheek with one painted finger. Barry knows that ignoring her will not have any effect, but he really is very close to figuring out the solution to this calculation so if he can just—

Lup steals his glasses right off of his face and moves to sit on the table in front of him, right on top of his notes. “Babe,” she says, directly into his face. “Listen, I need to test a theory.”

Distantly, Barry reflects that elves really are a whole lot like cats. Or maybe that’s just the twins. “A theory?”

“Yep.” Lup puts the glasses on her own face, squints for a moment, and then pushes them up to rest atop her head, which means there will almost definitely be strands of golden hair caught in them later. “Ok, so I’m bi, right? And Taako’s gay. Merle’s pan. I have it on high authority i.e. functioning eyes and a brain that Magnus is also bi.”

Barry blinks at the somewhat blurry form of his girlfriend. “Uh, so?”

“So,” says Lup conspiratorially, “just look at our fucking logo. There’s literally a goddamn rainbow on it.”

She gestures to the patch on the front of her robe and Barry squints at it more than he actually needs to. “I can’t look at it, I don’t have my glasses. I can’t see.”

“You can see the _rainbow_ , Barold, don’t be dramatic.” Lup waves her hand dismissively but puts his glasses back on his face anyway. Barry adjusts them and oh, wow, now he can see her mischievous smile in full definition.

His heart does a funny little flip. God, she’s beautiful.

“ _Anyway_ ,” continues Lup. “I have a theory and that theory is that the Starblaster runs on love, friendship, and pure gay energy.”

“Um. What?”

“Babe.” Lup flops down to lie completely on the table with her head pillowed all over his calculations. “Are you straight, or…”

The funny thing is, Barry didn’t realize she hadn’t known this already. Absent-minded scientist and all that, apparently he’d just sort of forgotten to clue everyone in on his bi-ness. It’s not that it matters, or that he thinks they’d care, but they’ve been together as something close to family for over fifty years now. You’d think it would’ve come up.

“No, I’m bi, actually.”

Lup pumps both fists in the air and narrowly avoids hitting him in the face by accident. “I _fucking_ knew it!” she crows. “Wait till I tell Taako!”

Barry smiles. She’s so bright, like the fire she uses. Her wild gestures, her ridiculous ‘theories’, her blinding smile and the entirety to which he trusts her—these are the things that send him further and further in love with her, reinforced by every moment in her presence.

That said, she is still on top of his notes.

“Lup, babe, could you—”

(She doesn’t let him go back to his calculations. Instead, she drags him to the kitchen and together they make some really hideous rainbow-frosted cupcakes.

Taako has a fit but he eats them anyway, and Barry smiles as he wipes some frosting from Lup’s nose. He knows exactly how the bond engine works, doesn’t need any more theories to figure that out, but looking at the rainbow sprinkles spilled all over the place he thinks maybe she was onto something with that theory of hers after all.)

  
  


* * *

 

 

**Davenport**

 

“Holy shit,” says Lup as she strolls into the mess hall. The others turn to look at her, faces caught in various stages of bemusement. “Guys, I just realized something.”

“Mm, gonna fill us in on that one, Lulu?” asks Taako.

She slams her hands down on the table so violently that Barry actually jumps. Lup grins at them and says, loudly but conspiratorially, “ _Everyone in this fucking crew is gay_.”

“What, really?” says Magnus, at the same time that Merle scowls indignantly and barks, “I’m _pan_.”

Lup waves a hand dismissively. “I know, Merle. I meant it in a general sense. And yeah, Magnus, everyone. The only person I don’t have deets on is _you—_ ”

And Davenport looks up to find her pointing directly at him.

“Well, go on, Cap’nport,” drawls Taako, and he is looking far more entertained than the situation probably merits. “Prove her hypothesis right or wrong.”

Davenport sighs loudly and fixes his face into an expression of stern disapproval but he can’t quite hide that he’s smiling. If you’d told him when he signed up for this mission that leading a crew of the world’s brightest would be like _this_...well, let’s just say he wouldn’t have believed you for a second.

And yet he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Yeah,” he says nonchalantly. “I’m gay.”

The crew _riots_.

(“I knew it!” shrieks Lup. “Bro, I _told_ you—”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me, don’t get so excited—”

Magnus raises a hand amid the chaos. “Wait, so is Barry—”

“I’m, uh. I’m bi.”

“Oh, sick, dude, me too!”

Davenport shakes his head and smiles as Lucretia quietly begins to sketch out the scene that feels, while chaotic, very much like home.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> quick headcount:  
> lup—bi and trans  
> taako—gay  
> magnus—bi  
> merle—pan (obviously)  
> lucretia—lesbian  
> barry—bi  
> davenport—gay and ace
> 
> thanks for reading! leave me a comment or stop by my [tumblr](https://thepensword.tumblr.com)! the days i didn't write for i drew for so you can find that stuff under the tazprideweek tag on my blog. one more fic after this and then taz pride week is over!


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